I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
