soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
