The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
