So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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