Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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