I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
