he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize