Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She's the barista slut.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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