tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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