I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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