moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
