She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
