no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
