roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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