whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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