i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
