I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This girl is more easily done than said...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
