If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
