and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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