Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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