I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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