i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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