Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
