I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
