check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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