I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
