White coat. Heels.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
