I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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