What did we do last night that was yellow?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
