I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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