Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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