i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
