I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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