hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
