Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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