Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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