I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
