Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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