I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
