i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
