I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
