it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
