in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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