I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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