so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
We smell like vodka and hangover
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