I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
