I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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