My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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