Small penises have feelings too.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
