Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
