This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
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Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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