if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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