Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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