That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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