why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
