; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
