wakey wakey hands off snakey
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
