Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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