I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
