Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
