id be glad to
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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